Tuesday, 5 August 2014

1. Absolution - 6/8/2014

So this year has been pretty much the worst year of my life so far. I've had fallouts, arguments and too many tears that I'd care to admit to. I have had the hardest time dealing with all these problems and unfortunately having to face them on my own.
I initially planned to write a post about what I think a friend is/how I think one should act and compare it to how I've been treated this year, but I'm not gonna do that-it's cliche, boring and I'm quite frankly sick of saying it. Now all throughout my life I've wondered why people find it so difficult to forgive others, not many people do nasty things with malicious intent, and often I feel that hurtful actions are a result of poor judgement so what's the point of holding a grudge against someone who makes one mistake? It's stupid isn't it? I wouldn't say I'm a particularly 'forgiving person' because I don't believe there's such thing as a 'forgiving person', everyone is capable of pardoning another human being and I'd consider you pathetic (as I'm sure a lot of people would) if you hold a grudge against someone over one issue, within reason of course. Because forgiving someone is not difficult, no matter how proud you are. I'd say the difficult part of a friendship/any relationship with anyone is accepting, that after all the forgiveness, that this person you have spent time and love on is not worth any more of your compassion. This relationship that you both have isn't deserving of the effort you have put in to keep it alive, and sometimes- you need to realise that you have to stop. And that is the hardest thing anyone has to do.


Lately, I have been sternly told off by my therapist to be more honest with myself, and the first step to becoming more honest with myself is to be honest to the people around me. This is proving to be... let's say- difficult. So, baby steps it is.
I am going to start blogging more often, not for any other reason than it's allowing me to be more open with my feelings and giving me a space to channel my anger and frustration into (rather than blowing up at the nearest person). I've also found it can be so therapeutic anyway to have a place (that is not as obvious and easy to find as twitter, but still directly involved with me) that I can actually say what's on my mind without any sort of huge argument or confrontation being thrown at me. 
So here's to the first of many to come