Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Epiphany II

I have recently discovered the true friends I have in my life, which admittedly has taken me far longer than it should have. I feel so very guilty about that. 
My former best friend (I say former in a nice way, she has found better friends and I don't blame her one bit!) I discovered had been miserable for so long and I didn't even notice. This sickens me, how could I overlook someone who has always been there since I met her 4/5 years ago!? 
She really is special, and I envy her so much, she is beautiful in every way and so confident even if on the inside she feels awful. Probably the most kindhearted person to ever walk the earth and yet she gets treated with little respect by others which I will do my hardest to change, because she doesn't deserve it.
I have been neglecting her, not because I don't care, but because I shamefully convinced myself that she could manage on her own and I wasn't wrong, she can, but she shouldn't have to. I should have been there, and I am going to try so hard to make it up to her even if it kills me!

Adding to this, I have also discovered that the people I have been calling 'best friends' for the past year or so are nothing of the sort. They have left me second guessing my whole life, fearing that I am in the wrong. But I'm not- I never was and I'm not letting them convince me otherwise. 
Yes, I have made mistakes in the past, but as friends they are supposed to support me (as I support them with their decisions, despite what I think). 
This is the point in which I realised that I have friends that have supported me through the decisions I have made, one of which has been my friend since nursery, but going to different high schools seperated us and we drifted apart. We are now together again and I couldn't be happier, I'd rather have a small group of friends that care than a large group who couldn't give two shits about you.

It was a difficult decision to make but I am no longer wasting my time with people who don't care. Karma will catch up eventually and when it does I can turn round and say 'I did everything I could'. 

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